Joan McNerney

My Automobile Is a Tyrant

 

I lost it three times in a local
mall parking lot during winter.
They are all the same in the dark
when everything is gray and dirty.

 

“Where in damnation did it go?”
The nice clerk tried to calm me.
“It is still here so we will find it.”

 

Another marvelous time, I locked all the
doors by mistake when pumping gas.
A heroic attendant pried a door open.
Where are car thieves when you need them?

 

During winter, you must shovel away
mounds of icy snow, clean windshields,
wait for the plow to come or be towed.

What’s next…take a spin to warm it up,
keep your vehicle all clean, sparkly, shiny.

It never ends with this despicable thing
needing new filters plus oil changes.

Then there is the carburetor, engine trouble,
tire treads no good, a failing battery plus
you must ‘feed the beast’ often with $$$ gasoline.

 

That is just the beginning, you have to pay for
vehicle registration, toll fees, pass inspection,
renew your license, plus fork up more cash
to check your eyesight at the majestic DMV.*

 

Forget about all those bubble machines
hanging out ready to hand you a ticket.
$175 for a rolling stop. What is a rolling stop?

I have faced this fact: my vehicle controls
both my bank account and wanderings.
So sad when some dealership says it’s
worth just $300 trade-in after all that hassle.

 

*DMV Department of Motor Vehicles